Secret of Happy Relationships

Wish to know secret of happy relationships? Read this story

The Parable of the Coffee Bottle

A young couple had neighbours who were senior citizens, the husband around 80 years old, and the wife about 5 years younger. The young couple were very fond of the elderly couple and made it a point to visit them and have coffee with them every Sunday.

They observed that the old lady would bring the coffee bottle to her husband to be opened, every time. The thoughtful young man gifted the lady a gadget, without her husbands knowledge, to easily open the bottle, and showed her how to use it.

On their next visit, the old lady once again brought the bottle for her husband to open! The young couple was amazed! Had she forgotten about the gadget? When the opportunity arose to be alone with the old lady, they quizzed her about this. Her reply made them speechless… She said: “Oh, I can open the bottle myself, even without your gadget! But I get him to open it so he feels he is still stronger than I am and thus the man of our home, that he remains useful to me as always; that I still depend on him; that togetherness is the main ingredient of any marriage… We don’t have many more years of life in us, and togetherness is of utmost importance.”

Debrief

My mom wants to serve me dinner everyday (I can very well do it on my own). She does it even when I order food from outside or even when she is not feeling well. Initially I felt she still treats me as kid but later I realised that – my dinner time is the undistracted time she gets with me. Once I realised that I stopped putting efforts in serving food for myself and focused more about talking and sharing.

Therefore before doing something on your own, see what that work or work time with you means for your loved ones.

NOTE: The story source from Whatsapp group ITC Storytelling by Navneet Kaur

MUDA

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The Taj hotel group had invited Mr. Masai Imai, a Kaizen Consultant from Japan to hold a workshop for its staff.

The staff were very skeptical – the hotel is doing excellent business, this person from Japan has no exposure to hotel industry – what exactly is he going to teach?

But everybody gathered as planned for the workshop in the conference hall sharp at 9 am.

Mr. Masai was introduced to them – a not so impressive personality, nor the English all that good; spoke as if he was first formulating each sentence in Japanese and then translating it into rather clumsy English.

“Good morning! Let’s start work. I am told this is a workshop; but I see neither work nor shop. So let’s proceed where work is happening. Let’s start with the first room on the first floor.“

Mr. Masai, followed by the senior management, the participants, the video camera crew trouped out of the conference room and proceeded to the destination.

That happened to be the laundry room of the hotel.
Mr. Masai entered the room and stood at the window, “beautiful view!” he said.
The staff knew it; they need not invite a Japanese consultant to tell them this!
“A room with such a beautiful view is being wasted as a laundry room. Shift the laundry to the basement and convert this into a guest room.“

Aa Haa! Now nobody had ever thought about that!
The manager said, “Yes, it can be done.”

“Then let’s do it,” Mr. Masai said.

“Yes sir, I will make a note of this and we will include it in the report on the workshop that will be prepared.” Said the Manager.

“Excuse me, but there is nothing to note down in this. Let’s just do it,
just now.“_ Mr. Masai.

“Just now?” Manager.

“Yes, decide on a room on the ground floor/basement and shift the stuff out of this room right away. It should take a couple of hours, right?” asked Mr. Masai.

“Yes.” Manager.

“Let’s come back here just before lunch. By then all this stuff will have got shifted out and the room must be ready with the carpets, furniture etc. and from today you can start earning the few thousand that you charge your customers for a night.“

“Ok, Sir.” The manager had no option.

The next destination was the pantry. The group entered. At the entrance were two huge sinks full of plates to be washed.

Mr. Masai removed his jacket and started washing the plates.

“Sir, Please, what are you doing?” the manager didn’t know what to say and what to do.

“Why, I am washing the plates“, Mr. Masai.

“But sir, there is staff here to do that.” Manager. Mr. Masai continued washing. “I think sink is for washing plates, there are stands here to keep the plates and the plates should go into the stands.“

All the officials wondered – did they require a consultant to tell them this?

After finishing the job, Mr. Masai asked, “How many plates do you have?“

“Plenty, so that there should never be any shortage.” answered the Manager.

Mr. Masai said, “We have a word in Japanese – ‘Muda’ Muda means delay, Muda means unnecessary spending. One lesson to be learned in this workshop is to avoid both. If you have plenty of plates, there will be delay in cleaning them up. The first step to correct this situation is to remove all the excess plates.”

“Yes, we will say this in the report.” Manager.

“No, wasting our time in writing the report is again an instance of ‘Muda’. We must pack the extra plates in a box right away and send these to whichever other section of Taj requires these. Throughout the workshop now we will find out where all we find this ‘Muda’ hidden.“

And then at every spot and session, the staff eagerly awaited to find out Muda and learn how to avoid it.
On the last day, Mr. Masai told a story.

A Japanese and an American, both fond of hunting, met in a jungle. They entered deep jungle and suddenly realized that they had run out of bullets. Just then they heard a lion roaring. Both started running. But the Japanese took a short break to put on his sports shoes.

The American said, “What are you doing? We must first get to the car.“

The Japanese responded, “No. I only have to ensure that I remain ahead of you.“

All the participants engrossed in listening to the story, realized suddenly that the lion would stop after getting his victim!

“The lesson is: competition in today’s world is so fierce, that it is important to stay ahead of others, even by just a couple of steps. And you have such a huge and naturally well-endowed country. If you remember to curtail your production expenditure and give the best quality always, you will be miles ahead as compared to so many other countries in the world.“, concluded Mr. Masai.

It is never late to learn…let us take out all the MUDA OUT OF OUR LIVES.

MEET THE MONKEYS

“Let’s start on it tomorrow, today we will enjoy!” or “No no no…. It’s too risky, you will get hurt”

These are some of the thoughts which we experience in our day-to-day life. There are other similar thoughts which we also experience in our daily life. According to a research, a human mind have daily on an average 50,000 separate thoughts. While most of these thoughts (i.e. 70%) is about the fear or the pressure to perform in our daily life. Being frustrated with life is a normal state of being for many.

To understand about these various thoughts and to manage them, author Sfurti Sahare in her book, “The Monkey Theory” has shared her views. She co-related the thoughts to the monkeys, as it is said we evolved from monkeys. So our mind may be working in same way, as mind of the monkey. She has given an animal or bird character to our feeling and emotions to better understand and able to have a peace mind. Like 4 monkeys for Procrastinating, Fear, Moody, Humane, while there is an Eagle of wisdom, who guides Humane monkey in controlling the other 3 monkeys. Let’s understand about each of these monkeys…

THE P – MONKEY

P-Monkey or Procrastinating Monkey is also called Lazy Monkey. He loves to gossip and hates the people who are disciplined, as he himself don’t follow discipline. His favorite word is TOMORROW and is ready with reason on why to start things from tomorrow. Like, If you feel like you should quit smoking, this monkey will tell you to do it, but … tomorrow!

If you feel like you should start exercising from today, this monkey will tell you to start it, but … tomorrow!

THE DRUNKEN MONKEY

The Drunken Monkey comes always with various moods and random thoughts. He keeps on changing the thoughts, ideas frequently and do not stay with one. He keeps moving from one mood to another, just like a train from one station to another station. Just like a drunken person hates to be controlled by others, he is also of same nature. For example, yesterday you bought a new colorful dinner set and arranged properly on the dinner table. Next day at table, you feel like, “I should have got the plain color set!” which was rejected by you.

THE FEAR MONKEY

This Fear Monkey is a protective and always protect you from the danger (known or unknown). He hates changes and find ways or reasons to avoid these changes. He is always in state of fear which curtails our ability in taking risks. This monkey affects our confidence, creativity and courage. He keeps on uttering the sentences like below continuously in our mind –

“No, no … don’t say that … they might make fun of you. What will they think? you might sound dumb!“

“They will never let you take the big steps. Don’t be ambitious.“

THE HUMANE MONKEY

This Humane Monkey is who wants all good things for us. It has a better judgement, through which analyse the things and helps in giving our best performance. The one thing he hates most is excuses/ reasons. Most of the time he is busy in managing and keeping the other 3 monkeys slient, so stay in state of tension constantly. For example, if a person is on his way for interview and is scared about the result of it, he is not able to recall anything. This is due to Fear monkey who is dominant. But after reaching for interview, the person is able to calm himself and gives his best in the interview. this was possible due to Humane monkey who controlled the earlier one.

THE EAGLE OF WISDOM

The Eagle of Wisdom is mighty in size and majestic in disposition. He is kind, composed and dignified having sharp observation, alertness and good knowledge.

These characters will helps us to understand our mind, the thoughts which come and go. They will also help in controlling the monkeys which disturb or create chaos in our life.

HUMAN MIND

A village landlord, one day after returning from the market saw the crowd at the house. He went near and got shocked seeing his big farmhouse on fire. He sat down in despair about his loss. He was planning to sell his farmhouse and move to the city to stay with his children. He had also talked with one party who showed interest in buying it. So, now was feeling sad over the loss as the property can’t be sold now.

His elder son came and told him, he has finalized the deal and signed papers for the exchange of properties. Hearing the good news, the smile came back to the landlord’s face. He along with his elder son became a part of the crowd observing the fire. Suddenly, his second son comes and informs that the news of fire is being relayed on the news channel, so the buyer will know about the fire accident. With this landlord again gets sad and again starts worrying about the property and his loss.

Later his youngest son comes and informs the landlord, “I have spoken with the buyer and they are ready to buy our property.” They said, “It’s not your fault and anyhow we wanted to bring the house down, which the fire has now done, thus saving our cost.” Listening this landlord became happy again and watched the fire engulfing the farmhouse with his 3 sons.

From this story, we observe the change in behavior of the landlord according to the various situations. This all was about the human mind reacting to those situations. In our lifetime we also might have reacted similarly in different situations.

To know more about the human mind, I will be sharing a few extracts from a book that I found interesting.

Keep watching for my post…

13 Steps to Bloody Good Luck – Causing Ripple

VIBGYOR, BODMAS, these are the mnemonic words used during the school to remember the colour of rainbow (Violet, Indigo, Blue, Green, Yellow, Orange, Red) and mathematical order (Bracket, Of, Division, Multiplication, Addition, Subtraction) of arithmetic expression. Mnemonic is the technique used in memorizing the difficult series of words/ action in easy way.

The author Ashwin Sanghi has also created in a mnemonic for these 13 principles in the book “13 Steps to Bloody Good Luck”, CAUSING RIPPLE. Co-relating with the rain-water harvesting from where the author got idea to write this book, he came with this mnemonic. As the water caught by the rain-water in the tub kept on terrace causes ripple, similarly the opportunities caught using these 13 principles will cause ripple in your life and bring good change in you.

C	Confidence	Lucky people develop their confidence and communicate
A	Alertness	Lucky people find ways to remain calm and thus alert
U	Unlearn	Lucky people unlearn old attitudes and approaches
S	Situations	Lucky people make the best of bad situations
I	Intuition	Lucky people listen to their intuition and develop it
N	Network	Lucky people grow and strengthen their network
G	Goodness	Lucky people understand the power of goodness
R	Risks	Lucky people take calculated risk, cut losses and learn from mistakes
I	Information	Lucky people stay informed and thus absorb new ideas
P	Positivity	Lucky people stay positive, preserve and cultivate a thick skin
P	Passion	Lucky people seek ways to get paid for their passion
L	Leverage	Lucky people leverage preparation, planning and potential
E	Experiment	Lucky people are willing to try new things

These 13 attitudes and approaches are by no means exhaustive. But these are the common traits found in the people who eventually succeed in getting lucky. We have seen some examples like JRD Tata, Ghanshyamdas Birla, Mahatma Gandhi, Winston Churchill, Thomas Edison, Richard Branson, Sunil Bharati Mittal, AR Rahman, and many more.

13 Steps to Bloody Good Luck – LUCK QUOTIENT

“Destiny is not a matter of chance; it is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.”

These are the words of American politician William Jennings Bryan from the book “13 Steps of the Bloody Good Luck” by Ashwin Sanghi. The author concludes his book with new term Luck Quotient. Just like human intelligence is known as Intelligent Quotient IQ, the feelings and emotions known as Emotional Quotient EQ, on similar terms the success variable is known as Luck Quotient LQ.

IQ is a simply a number derived from a standardized intelligence test. IQ stays quiet stable throughout our life and can be helpful during our initial years. It falls short in managing people, situations or relationships, which is also important for our success. Here EQ comes to sort these things. EQ is a measure of our ability to sense, understand and effectively apply the power and acumen of facilitate high levels of collaboration and productivity. Successful people are those who can combine high IQ with high EQ.

But it’s difficult to explain how a low IQ person with high EQ become successful or a person with high IQ but low EQ becomes successful. This invisible factor, author called it as an unknown variable LUCK QUOTIENT. To explain it he has shared some questions to get clear picture on this new term LQ.

• Am I confident about myself?
• Do I communicate effectively with people?
• Do I stay calm, even in successful situations?
• Do I remain alert to opportunities and developments around me?
• Do I try to forget old attitudes and approaches?
• Do I make the best of bad situations?
• Do I listen to my intuition?
• Do I try to strengthen my intuitive abilities?
• Do I grow and strengthen my network of friends and acquaintances?
• Do I make an effort to be nice to others?
• Am I generous to others?
• Am I willing to take calculated risks?
• Do I cut losses and quit when needed?
• Do I learn from my mistakes?
• Do I stay informed?
• Do I pick up ideas and absorb them for future use?
• Do I have a positive attitude to life?
• Do I preserve in the face of failure?
• Do I avoid getting affected when others criticize me?
• Do I seek opportunities to get paid for my passion?
• Do I usually organize, plan and prioritize?
• Do I leverage my strengths and potential?
• Am I open and willing to try new things?

If the answer is yes to most of the above questions, the chances are that we have high LQ. A high LQ is an indicator of our ability to attract good luck. If LQ isn’t too good, don’t despair, by working on our weakness the LQ can be improved over time.

The author concludes the chapter with an extract from Shakespeare’s play Julius Caesar, “Men are at some time masters of their fates; The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves…”

13 Steps to Bloody Good Luck – 13. Leverage

“By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.”

These are the words spoken by one of the founding fathers of America, Benjamin Franklin. The author Ashwin Sanghi concludes the “13 Steps to Bloody Good Luck” with the last trait of Lucky person, Leverage. Lucky people are those people are plan in advance and are prepared for the bad situation. They are very punctual with their work and have everything prioritised. They become successful as they use their potential (strength) to their maximum advantage, even in the worst situation.

In short, Lucky people leverage preparation, planning, prioritization and potential. By doing so, they increase the ability to create opportunities or react and respond to them.

To explain the above traits, author has used various examples of British politician John Wilkes, Winston Churchill, American president Bill Clinton on preparing in advance, bestselling author Amish Tripathi, Indian businessman Ghanshyamdas Birla on planning and prioritizing their work. The example of Margaret Thatcher, British Prime Minister helps us to understand importance of punctuality, while example of Harland Sanders (founder of KFC), Jack Cover nuclear physicist, Sunil Bharti Mittal (founder Bharti Enterprises), Sachin & Binny Bansal (founders of Flipkart) explains about their leverage not only their planning and preparation, but also their potential (strengths).

The story which interested me is – Three fish lived in a pond, Planahead, Thinkfast and Waitandsee. One day they heard a fisherman say he would e casting his net in their pond the next day.

Planahead said, “I am swimming down the river tonight.” Thinkfast said, “I am sure I will come up with a plan.” Waitandsee said, “I just can’t think about it now I’m tired.”

When the fisherman cast his nets the next day, Planahead was already further down the river and thus remained free. Unfortunately Thinkfast and Waitandsee were caught by the fisherman.

Thinkfast quickly rolled belly-up and pretended to be dead. ‘Oh, this fish is no good.’ said the fisherman and threw it safely back into the water. Unfortunately Waitandsee ended up in the fish market.

That is why people say, ‘In times of danger, when the net is cast, plan ahead or plan to think fast!’

13 Steps to Bloody Good Luck – 12. Unlearn

“Stop! It’s spilling out. No more tea will get into that cup!”

These were the words uttered by the professor who had went to learn Zen Philosophy from Zen Master Nan-in. To which Nan-in replied, “The cup has limited capacity. You are like the cup. You are full of opinions, beliefs, prejudices and attitudes. How can I possibly show you Zen unless you are willing to empty your cup?”

The author Ashwin Sanghi, here in the 12^th Step of Good Luck, is explaining about Unlearning, and important traits of Lucky person in the book “13 Steps to Bloody Good Luck”. He states, ‘One needs to be willing to unlearn in order to learn.’ Most people believe, unlearning means letting of the knowledge and the things one has learned, which is false. Unlearning is about letting go the negative behavior patterns that create a bad attitude, as attitude is key factor for getting more opportunities. To illustrate this he shared examples of Job seeker, Investor and Musician with their past experiences are letting go the chance of acquiring more opportunities and calling it a bad luck.

Unlearning is simply the ability to rid oneself of preconditioning. Author shared the story of Subhash Chandra, owner of Zee network, how in the absence of preconditioning (no knowledge about media business) he could leverage to build the first and biggest media house Zee Network.

Being able to think outside the framework of one’s education and training seems to be key factor in attracting luck.

13 Steps to Bloody Good Luck – 11. Passion

“The best way to live your life? Find a way to get paid for your passion.”

These words are spoken by the artist, whom the author met on a Mumbai to New York flight. During their discussion, the artist informed he had just sold his paintings to large hotel chains, who had requested for an art to be displayed on the walls of guest rooms, executive cabins and public spaces.

The author Ashwin Sanghi in his book, “13 Steps to Bloody Good Luck”, has written that 11^th Step Passion should be used to balance wealth with knowledge. He shared his childhood story of summer job his father assigned him about learning the accounts with his father’s accountant. He used to take book to read, but the accountant would force him to do bookkeeping. He discuss this with his grand uncle. Uncle said, “Lakshmi (wealth) without Saraswati (knowledge) is always a problem. Lord Ganesh, the ultimate symbol of luck is always shown seated between Lakshmi and Saraswati. The presence of both is vital for good luck to happen.”

The author has discussed about balancing money and passion. Money had never been sole motivator for the most of the successful person. To explain this he has shared stories of Dhirubhai Ambani, P.V. Narasimha Rao, Richard Branson, Google, and Lakshmi Mittal. These people never questioned, “How much money I will earn?” instead they pursued their passion and ideas which lead them to success.

When an young man approached Socrates in search of wisdom, he was surprised when Socrates took him to a lake and dunked his head under water. As the man struggled to come up for air, Socrates continued holding him under water. Later after recovering, when the young man asked Socrates, why he had tried to drown him, Socrates replied, “What was it that you most wanted when you were under water?” “Air!” the young man answered. Socrates responded, “When your desire for wisdom is as great as your desire to breathe, you will find wisdom”.

Passion is like the need for air. When one is passionate about something, one will do everything possible to make it happen.

13 Steps to Bloody Good Luck – 10. Goodness

“Happiness is the only thing when you give it, you get it in return.”

Indian Actor Aamir Khan, shared his interaction with the activist Anna Hazare, during the agitation on Lokpal Bill.

The author Ashwin Sanghi in his book “13 Steps to Bloody Good Luck” speaks about, Lucky people understanding the power of Goodness. Being happy and positive about life is a key factor in attracting luck. He has shared the events of JRD Tata, Ratan Tata, Mahatma Gandhi, Socrates, Indian actor Rajnikanth, Winston Churchill which showed their humility, humble nature, and goodness being spread in the world. This has made them more popular and gets more opportunities.

There is value in positive reinforcement and in being nice. This is illustrated in the following story –
Many years ago at the University of Wisconsin, there was a group of literary men, all extremely creative in their use of the English language; would-be poets, novelists, and dramatists. Meeting each week to read and ruthlessly critique each other’s works, they called themselves the Stranglers.

As a reaction, a group of upcoming women writers also started a club in Wisconsin. Deciding to call themselves the Wranglers, they too met regularly to read and critique each other’s work, but they tended to encourage and praise rather than criticise.

Two decades later, when an alumnus carried out a study of his classmates’ careers, he observed a significant difference between the careers of the Stranglers vis-à-vis the Wranglers. Not a single Strangler had been able to attain stature in the literary world, while the Wranglers had produced more than 6 women writers of national and international renown.

The above story says, if we can’t find something good in other people’s work, how can we expect others to find something good in ours? Generosity in spirit and actions is a key element in furthering opportunities.

An old Chinese proverb goes, “A bit of fragrance always cling to the hands that give roses.” Most of us are not billionaires, but that should not prevent us from doing something good for others.